did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
