The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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