Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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