oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
