Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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