I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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