All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
