Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
