Moan for me like Helen Keller
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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