So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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