And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
