I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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