I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
