Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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