The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
