Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
