Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize