Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize