friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
