I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
