from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
