The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
