So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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