he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The uberlube is also flammable
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
