Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
