I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
