my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
