Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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