also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
