I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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