I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
