Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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