Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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