I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
