My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
