I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
