Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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