All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
