don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
