Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
