bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
