tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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