Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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