i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
