She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
