We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
