hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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