did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
