So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Randomize
