she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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