Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
