a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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