Who did Billy Mays play for?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
