My hair reeks of homosexuality.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
