are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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