Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
