You really coming over, don't trick.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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