...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
