how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
