just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
