I swear she didn't look like that last week.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
