Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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