I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
