can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
