i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
