I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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