I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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