used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just want nice things and good sex
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize