I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
