i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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