haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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