You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
