i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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