I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Someone stole a lamp last night.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
