No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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