On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
