omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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