I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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