I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
