Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
