You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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