He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize