You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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