I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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