I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
he shaved USA in his pubs
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
