I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
