i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
