why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
