just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
